Just take a look

I don't know the exact ratio but for each person who considers themself highly religious it is not difficult to find a person who considers themselves as simply spiritual or on the spectrum of agnostic. I've read, heard on TV or radio, and listened to those who consider religion old fashioned, ignorant, and often full of blind followers. But I have to ask those who share this sentiment what they gain from this perspective. What if instead (and in case they haven't) they just took a look at what religious people have to say, what they believe and why. It could easily be for the purpose of understanding and community but I also insist that there is more to be gained. If we seek for truth, God can open our heart and mind to a broader perspective on this life and our purpose here on it. My dear brother is not religious and we had a conversation a few years ago about faith. He simply asked how I could know what I claimed to know. This is a fair question and in no way disrespectful. It is also sensative and difficult to answer. Kind of like explaining to someone what it would feel like to be trapped in a dark, muggy maze and then to have been gently led out into full sunlight. In the case of having spiritual experiences that lead someone to have a burning faith in Jesus Christ, the use of words are just not enough. To say that it felt good is useless when we use a word like good generically 15 times a day as people ask how we are doing. I told him about the first time I studied the Book of Mormon and I felt a combination of peace and logic sequence as I read about an ancient people. I felt like it made sense logically while also delivering a spiritual peace that led to my affirmation that it is a true book of scripture and not just a story made up by manipulaters. It wasn't that he didn't respect my feelings but my description just wasn't good enough and it never could be. That is because God intended for us to feel his influence in our heart and mind for ourself but that can't happen if individually we never even take a look.

I believe it is okay to doubt the faith of others and probably natural too. I do not believe however that is a decent excuse for never just taking a look to see what there is to the faith others claim. I hope you've been blessed with loving parents and good examples who taught and guided you when needed, even corrected or counseled you when you may have been headed down the wrong road. I know that I have. Now imagine how your life could benefit from the loving hand of your Heavenly Father in your life, who can help mold you and your life into something greater than you can on your own. That is how I feel his hand in my life, when I don't get in the way of myself. And I believe He can fill yours with even more meaning, purpose, and direction if you'll just take a look and let Him in.

Over dishes

I'm pretty dedicated to avoiding the dishes but something interesting happened tonight when I got going on them. Bri and the kiddos in bed and stacks of dishes calling my name. Well tonight my mind used the time to get creative and make a list of writing projects I need to do. I even wrote a few pages in my head. Too bad I don't have a print button. So I thought I better record the list somewhere so I can return to it.

1. Blog or forum on religion. I see this as a journey I am meant to go on learning about history really and the role religion has played in it. I'm not sure I can put it into words until I get going but I believe the heart of it is learning about the puzzle pieces and putting them together. Another purpose is to connect with other people of all types of faith. This desire is two-fold. First of all, as a Mormon I want to do my part to help others understand what we believe and by doing so help address misconceptions about our faith. Second, I believe the journey of learning about other people, times, cultures, and religion will bring me closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, making me a more worthy and perhaps helpful servant and disciple.

2. A book dedicated to and about Grandpa Don. While I think it would include a life history I feel that the focus of the book would be stories from people who knew him, his family and friends. This project feels special and important to me. It also would be a big one. To do it justice I would need to spend time visiting and recording stories from family and friends in the area where Grandpa grew up as well as the many stories that could be gathered in Montana. To take it a step at a time I think the first thing I need to do is decide when to go on those journeys and not set a time line up for the actual project of writing the book.

3. The journals that Grandma Blanche wrote about Grandma Pat are unique and special. There is a story of love and motherhood simply by their existance. This project too is a biggie. It feels like time is ticking away to really do this properly and to start it would mean spending some time with Grandma listening to her talk about her mother. I want to tell the story of Grandma's life through the eyes or using the journals as the avenue to do so.

The worth of Maternal care dwarfs the benefit of a wealthy lifestyle.

The story on this blog http://www.mbhfundraising.blogspot.com/ has inspired me to speak up for Mothers, who the weight of this world rests on. In particular I speak about the worth of Stay-At-Home mothers.

Is my "career choice" at this time as a stay-at-home mother a waste as some have put it? A "waste of potential" as I've been told by a sincere but altogether too feminist for my taste friend. I CHOOSE to sacrifice a paycheck in order to become my children's life. To be the constant source of love, patience, and example. Not everyone can or desires this path BUT I DO and I believe that my sacrifice at this time is not only worth it but is a divine mission. I'll be damned if a judge rules a mother who has chosen to stay home with her children as unqualified to raise her children because at the time of the divorce her financial prospects pale in comparison to her husbands 6 figure income.

I was raised in a modest home where stories are told of occasional bare cupboards and starving brothers scraping raisons off the floor to curb their hunger. Of course noone remembers this version of events except them but still it is fair to say we survived without luxury and nothing went to waste though my parents chose never to seek financial assistance. Over the years financial status improved due to living a practical lifestyle within the means earned. Six figure income? How about middle-lower class in Montana.

MY POINT: I grew up in a home full of love and committment from my parents. I learned to work hard, be practical, and seek loving relationships. After leaving home the natural path for me was to hope one day to have children of my own, a home where I could share the kind of love I'd felt my entire life. Meeting Brian started me on that path, much earlier than I expected I must admit, but I've felt a divine power guiding our life since then. What could I possibly mean by that you may ask? Well I'm 27 with 2 young kids. I have the power to make or break their world with my words, attitude, and sincere attempt at raising them to be the real deal; people who reach out around them in this world to lift and think beyond themselves.

If I accomplish this divine mission then my lack of a luxurious lifestyle to give them doesn't matter. In fact, it never did matter. It is the care, love, time, and respect we show our children that determines our worth as parents. No mother should lose her children because she cannot offer a 6 figure income. They may gain the whole world but never grow a heart to feel for humanity or eyes to see the good they can do through kindness.

Each divine creation

Where is moral fiber? There was a time when faith or at least respect in a higher being was a universal feeling.

I've felt an urge lately to write. I don't know why but my mind has been busy in an effort to put words to my feelings, hopes, and deepest personal thoughts.

Lately this has been focused on the issue of faith and its place in every man's life. It might sound confusing but I am not talking about religion though I know that religion has an important place in our lives and societies.

I guess what I'm really pondering is the need for every man to feel a connection to his or her creator; to find a peace at their given life, place in time, and purpose on earth. That is the beginning and a mission I feel confident every man must pursue on an individual basis.

This comes before religion because it is what is accessible to every man on the earth no matter his circumstance, background, gender, social status, successes, failures, talents, or weaknesses.

Where did this world come from? What is gained from denying the divine and amazing beauty of this universe and its delicate balance?

Science is God's hand whose power is not magic but a command and order of the matter and making of this world. To call God the greatest scientist is filing him in a catagory of men whose pursuit has been to understand life's order. No. He is no scientist but he is the master that they seek apprenticeship from.

The lines we draw

The lines that divide us only exist in our own minds. I have no quota on how many or what kind of people I can call cherished friend or valuable aquaintence. I do not see my religion or heritage as a safe place to huddle by only reaching out to those who share it. The autrocities that have happened in this world were led by a few evil men and followed through by the followers who believed in the lines or boundaries they were taught.

How many Germans felt trapped when the reality of their new world order sunk in? Probably many had no idea that children were burned, intelligent and loved human beings were beaten and valued less than cast off cattle. But when they did realize it did they still draw that line between themselves and the pitied but nonetheless inferior jew? That glow of humanity that gave them the gift of guilt, did it erase that line? Or was it only more confusing to know that the genocide of an entire people was wrong but unexplainably deserved as they'd been told and believed?

Prejudice, hate, war, genocide: only exisit because the majority allow fear a place in their heart. Fear of what is different and misunderstood. This fear is the father of the lines we draw.

We as a human race.
We as different nationalities and cultures.
We as Americans.
We as white skinned people.
We as conservative middle class country folk.
We as Utah christians.
We as Mormons.
Myself as wife, mother, friend, and thinking Vernal citizen.
Do these catagories draw lines that divide us?

Only if we believe they exist. I refuse to let that fear into my heart. I am no different from any other human who has lived before or who will live after me on this earth. Unique, yes. But no different in the eyes of God.

Peace more tangible than the clothes on my back

I accept that there will never be world peace on this earth. As long as it is inhabited by mortal, carnal humans there will be war, suffering, and sadness throughout our world. This comes down to two things in my opinion that there is really only one solution to. First the absense of respect for self and others. The second is the lack of compassion and warmth for others. The only solution for our world is to embrace a compassionate lifestyle focused on respect for others and self. This is what the Gospel of Jesus Christ preaches, to strive to live like Jesus Christ lived while on this earth.

When I think about Christ I know he was a man who had a special ability to love everyone regardless of the choices they made or lifestyle they lived. His compassion was unconditional. I've heard the phrase to "love the sinner and not the sin." This phrase carries a negative connotation because it is labeling the subject as in the wrong or in the word as a sinner. It does carry a strong accusatory and negative tone in the way that our society approaches humanity and I can see why. Who am I to call another person a sinner? Who am I to put my lifestyle choices above another, one being correct and another sinful? Simply put I do not feel I have any right to do so. But in regards to life choices I disagree with, I believe a higher authority has set these boundaries on morality and I've chosen a life of faith in that authority and His divine boundaries or commandments. I  could not claim to have such faith if I did not equally proclaim that it is my responsibility to show unconditional love and compassion to all man regardless of their faith, lifestyle, or perspective. It is my responsibility to respect the agency and freedom to choose that every individual claims. Christianity is not Christianity by a person who only follows every outward commandment. The prerequesite for any Christian is an ability to love and respect one's fellowman as closely as possible to Jesus Christ; a lifetime of striving in these inward matters will outweigh any display of outward obedience though both are significant in our relationship with our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.

I feel great comfort in knowing that Jesus Christ is a perfect judge. He knows every individual heart. His perspective and understanding exceed any mortal understanding we can have. It bothers me to have feelings unresolved; to not be able to put into words my sincere caring for those who are hurt by my beliefs. But in the end I know who it is that I trust and I know that He is a perfect judge of not only my heart but of every man. At the end of the day I can feel peace in knowing that, and that peace is tangible and real; more than the physical matter around me. After all this life is really only shadows and our real life has not yet begun.

Sometimes all there is in common is respect

I have to admit I want to find a sugar coated way to discuss same gender attraction, marriage, and what I believe, with those who have an opposite or different viewpoint. I have never enjoyed conflict and dislike the idea of not being liked much less being hated or despised. But what stands ahead of those feelings are what I know to be true. I know that God's ways are not man's ways. When it comes down to it there is line drawn between those who look to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to guide their life and those who for their own reasons choose to live their life here on earth without that influence. The one way naturally can't understand the other. It never surprises me to hear someone scoff the outdated, old fashioned, and seemingly blind people of faith. If you have never felt the peace and sacred experiences of being guided and influenced by the Spirit of God then you simply can't understand. It wouldn't make sense to follow something you've only ever heard about but never yourself felt. Of course anyone with an open heart can know for themselves what that feels like but that takes an open heart and the humility to turn to your maker in sincere prayer. And that is something every man gets to choose for himself.

What I return to however is the demand that all must conform to the current push to legalize marriage as having a genderless definition. I hear the demands that I change my beliefs in the name of discrimiation but I see that very demand as a discrimination of my beliefs. It may be that all we will have in common is the choice to respect each other and our rights to choose for ouselves our vote, opinion, and voice.