Papercut

At least that's all I can think it might be. There is a cut on the tip of my right index finger. Every stroke typing with that finger kind of makes me wince and say owwie. I really wanted to get on here and type but I can't get past this little pang of pain as I type. It pretty much makes ma a wimp but I honestly haven't thought of anything else I'd like to type about tonight. I think maybe it's getting infected for as sore as it is. Sigh. Guess I oughta bust out the antiseptic.

Confession. There is one soapbox I've thought about today: Daycare. That isn't the confession. The confession is that I started this blog to have a free place to express my feelings just how they are without thinking about anyone else really. Not to put anyone in any place. More just a place I can use a keyboard to clear my mind and use my mind and voice in a way that reminds me of the individual that I am. So to further my confession I have to admit I have already started editing myself just knowing my blog is not private and that it is in my name and linked to my profile along with our family blog. Well my gut says it's okay and necessary for me to let this be what I need it to be. So for now I'm gonna just take off the comments option. So this is a blog that the world could see if they really cared to but when I write it is just like it says: gotta write to get my mind back.

What a funny lady I am. That all was going to be an intro for me to vent about the daycare issue. A woman running a daycare here in Utah who abused children and her latest victim suffered brain damage. Makes me sick to say the least. I no longer feel the need to expand on that soapbox. What I really worked out was my issue with why I hesitated to take that on and a new resolve to keep with the original plan. Write for myself. Personal reminder of my individuality.

Great day: Q is taking his first steps!!! I'm not sure who is most excited about this development because we are all pretty excited about it. Now I gotta get the video camera out. It feels like Quinten is changing before my eyes and really growing up. Tonight when Bri got home we were all pretending to be scary cats. You heard me right. Ryanna, Bri, and I were all taking turns being scary. I went in the kitchen to do kitchenly things. Bri and Ryanna were still taking turns being scary. In a moment when they both quit, Quinten let out with a huge RRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!! He was so right there and part of the action. A little while later I was in on the living room floor with Ryanna on my lap after a stub of her toe. Quinten crawled over and climbed right up onto Ryanna chanting NA NA NA NA and planted a kiss right on her face. He adores her to no end, even when she isn't being quite so sweet in return. He is a special boy and from a very young age I could feel that one of his greatest strengths is to be happy and positive. It's like he instinctively sees the best in any situation. Already! I love him and enjoy every slobbery, boogery kiss.

Ryanna: I am amazed at how smoothly this round of potty training is going. Without detail I'll say she now proudly poops on the potty, a HUGE obstacle overcome. Every other time we tried I have to say, it was a struggle and definitly fit the description of "training" - this time it's like she just decided it was time and so very little training has been involved. I know certain roadbumps may come along the way but today especially I felt so proud of my girl. I knew she could do it, that she was capable. I was so frustrated at her unwillingness to try and haunted by a feeling like I was failing her somehow. Don't know what I mean or think that is silly?? Well I think it is just part of the parenthood mommy chip in our brain. Though unreasonable we often blaim ourselves or find normal complications to be a personal failure. That aside I can say I feel a great load off my shoulders and mommy chip mind having had 7 days in panties with only 1 accident in the last 4 days. It's also funny how that one thing (panties versus diapers) makes your child grow up a whole bunch, all of the sudden. She is using phrases I swear she didn't use before panties. Example: "Mother you may sit with me if you like." or "It's okay sweet Quinten boy. I'll take care of you." So the final plunge from toddler to little girl has taken place in the form of big girl panties. Everyday we talk about what we will do "when the snow melts." This spring will be full of walks, parks, and sunshine: these are a few of our favorite things! Yesterday Ryanna wore a pink summery spring outfit with Jeans on underneath. She is as starved for the spirit of spring as I am and I fully intend on enjoying it with my little colorful pink girl.

Hubby: I appreciate that I married a manly man. Some days not so much but today I really enjoyed it. We only had a few moments to connect but my favorite was tonight. He'd been home 20 minutes or so and had mostly spent that time playing with the kids on the floor. He'd finally plopped in the recliner and turned the TV on to relax. The kids were temporarily not climbing all over him so I sauntered over and asked him (with my eyes mind you, we rarely have to use words to communicate basic things;) if I could curl up on his lap. With a little nod I curled up on his lap. It was brief and it was simple but so nice. I love him so moments like that are rejuvinating, like a little payoff at the end of a day full of the blessed exhaustion of motherhood. We're a team and I still like to curl up on his lap for a hug. We also tried a round of rock paper scissors to see who would put the kids to bed. I didn't really tell him that was what it was for and I hadn't forseen that I would lose so it was disappointing to answer his question of what he had just won. That backfired - hehe.

Well I feel like I can go to bed now. Go join that snoring handsome guy. And I stand by my feeling that he and I are lucky to have each other. It's not enough to say that marriage isn't perfect or that it is a risk. Both statements are true. I know that elements of my future are out of my control but I can say with ease that today I don't have to search for the good or our accomplishments. Ryanna says her prayers without our help now. When I think of our prayertime before bed I smile. I truly am blessed with a beautiful family and I know it is at the hands of a loving Heavenly Father. Love to he and my brother Jesus Christ. Love to my handsome Bri. Love to two beautiful children. Love to myself this night. Lucky to have love and what do you know, I haven't thought about that papercut once in the last half hour I was writing.